A Dream with the Phoenix
by Awkward Turtleduck
Summary: Post-war. Zuko has a dream where past tensions and issues are clarified and resolved.


It was a large garden with well-trimmed rose bushes and tall cherry blossom trees. A walkway connected the garden from the main palace. To the right of this walkway, hidden among the bushes was a pond filled with turtle-ducks. On the left was a fountain set in stone. A tall gazebo with red ornate columns lined with gold and carvings of dragons stood in the middle of the garden.

Zuko knew this place. It was the garden in the palace, the way it had been when his mother was still with them, the way he was trying to make it to be now that the War was over.

He stood near the entrance of the walkway. He stared at his surroundings, taking in every detail. It had been so long. This was the only place in the palace where he could say he had been truly happy. This was his and his mother's hide-out—away from his despotic father; away from his half-crazed malicious sister; away from wars, politics and everything that could hurt. Here, there was only him and his beautiful and kind mother, Ursa. Here, only beauty and kindness, such that emanate from his mother, existed.

Thus it had made him angry and sad when, after defeating his sister, he found this place burned nearly into nothing. Black soot covered everything. The gazebo, which had once stood proudly, was now nothing but a pile of black rubble. His eyes were stung with tears then at the sight of the unspeakable destruction of one of his few treasures in the world.

Now, his eyes stung again as he saw everything the way it was before.

He slowly followed the walkway, taking in every single sight, every single tree, every single bush, and every single animal in the garden. He felt calmness seeping through his soul, the first time he felt it after the initial jubilation at the Avatar's victory over Fire Lord Ozai. Ruling the Fire Nation as its Fire Lord was a heavy task as it is. But it was made heavier because of the crimes that the Fire Nation had committed against the three other nations. They had to atone for these crimes, work to get the trust of the other nations, etc. It was a good thing that the Avatar and his friends were also helping in mending the relationships between the nations. It made things a little easier.

Zuko stopped short as he saw a figure standing with her back turned towards the walkway at the center of the gazebo. He felt a lump forming in his throat as his eyes took in more details of this figure—long black hair, fiery red robes, pale delicate-looking hands. _It couldn't be…_

"Mom?" he whispered hoarsely. The figure turned and Zuko saw it was not his mother.

It was his sister. Azula.

He automatically assumed his firebending stance. He bit his lip as he scowled. "What are you doing here?"

His sister looked at him with her clear golden eyes in silence. Her face was blank and expressionless—no anger, no hatred, no anything. After a while, she spoke in a quiet voice, "Just visiting."

Despite being unnerved a little by his sister's calm behavior, he still managed to ask in a low menacing tone, "Here to destroy it again?"

The girl touched one of the red columns of the gazebo. "No."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"As I've said, just visiting."

Zuko's eyes narrowed. "I don't believe you."

"You don't have to."

This infuriated Zuko. His face reddened as he asked angrily, "Why did you destroy this place? You know this was the only place that holds the memories of mother!"

"I know." Azula leaned against the wall. "It reminded me of bitter memories."

"Then why are you _visiting _now?"

Azula smiled faintly. "As you've said, this is the only place that holds the memories of mother." Then she added more soberly. "She had always loved you best."

"Just as father always loved you best."

Azula laughed a mirthless, almost sad, laughter. "You honestly think he's capable of love? I may be a lot of things, big brother, but I certainly am not an idiot. I knew he was using me as his pawn."

"Then why?"

"Because everybody else always loved you best."

Zuko frown deepened. "That is the most untruthful thing you've ever said. Everybody _loved_ me? What do you call grandfather, father, the advisors, our teachers, the soldiers—_turtle-ducks?"_

"Do you think they loved me, big brother? Well let me tell you—they didn't. They feared me, they adored me, they worshipped me but they most certainly did not love me. The only people who were really capable of loving—mother and Uncle Iroh—loved you. Do you deny that?"

Zuko closed his eyes as he relaxed his stance. After a while, he answered softly, "No." Then with curiosity, he spoke, "This… isn't like you Azula. This isn't you."

"You're too used to my temper tantrums?" she chuckled. Zuko remained silent. "You're right. This isn't who I am. This is what I've become. Because of you."

Zuko's furrowed his brows again, this time with something like concern. "You mean while you were in a catatonic state…"

"…my inner consciousness has lost its fiery passion," Azula finished for him. "Yes, whatever that had made me me was taken away when you and that Water Tribe girl defeated me." Azula smiled bitterly. "I had so few things in this world, only so few. And yet these were all taken away from me."

"What are you talking about? You're a firebending prodigy! You had talent, you had everybody's lo—_adoration._ You never had to struggle… like I did. I was the one who had nothing."

"You keep forgetting, big brother. Even though you didn't have the talent, people's approval, you had the things that mattered—real love and true friends. I didn't have those. Don't you think it's more tragic to have everything that could have made people love you but despite all that, they still didn't?" Azula sighed. "I know I've had a hand in that. But I just needed one person, one person who could love me unconditionally; one person who could see something redeemable in the blackness of my soul. If only I had that person I wouldn't be so screwed up." She looked at him with her clear golden eyes again. "But then again, maybe there was really nothing redeemable in me."

Zuko made a tentative step towards his sister. He stopped.

Azula watched him with mild amusement. "Pitying me, big brother? Now you know I had always been jealous of you. I wanted so much for mom to love me as much as she loved you. Just as you had wanted father not to think you're worthless, I had also wanted for her not to think I'm a monster." Then she added in a softer voice, "I still do."

Zuko ran towards his sister and wrapped her in his arms. "I'm sorry, Azula. _I love you._ I really do."

Azula closed her eyes as she reciprocated her brother's embrace. "Those words are enough." She pulled back slowly and smiled. "Even if you don't really mean it."

"But it's the truth!"

"It's pity, Zuko." She held out her hand as he opened his mouth to protest. "Let's not ruin this moment by quarreling. Please."

After a few moments of silence, Zuko asked, "Why did we never have the chance to talk like this?"

"There just wasn't any." Azula reached out to touch her brother's scar. Then she leaned forward to kiss it. "I'm sorry, Zuko. I just wish that in our next lives things would be better."

"Wait! What are you—"

***

"Zuko!" Heavy raps on the bedroom door made Zuko sit up straight in his bed. "Zuko!"

"Uncle Iroh? What is it?" he asked, rubbing his eyes. "Come in."

An old man with a balding head and short white beard entered the royal chamber. The expression on his face made Zuko jump to his feet. "What is it, Uncle?"

Iroh crossed the chamber to his nephew's side. He laid a hand on his shoulder. "Zuko, your sister…"

"Azula? What happened to her? I... I was just with her in the dream. Why? What happened to her?"

The uncle shook his head and said softly, "She committed suicide."

All the color was drained from Zuko's face. "B-but… why? How? Weren't the caretakers supposed to be watching her?"

"They were. But she took them by surprise. As you know, she had been in a catatonic state ever since the end of the War." Iroh closed his eyes. "They didn't really expect her to suddenly regain her senses and use her fire to burn herself to death."

Zuko's knees buckled beneath him and he covered his face with his hands. "Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!"

"Zuko…"

"Uncle, please leave me alone. I… I'll be heading to the facility in a while. Please tell the men to ready the carriage."

Iroh hesitated but he bowed his head. "As you wish, Your Highness."

***

Zuko was immediately ushered into Azula's cell. The walls were black with soot. He touched the walls and uncovered a spot or two of white—the original color of the room. Hesitantly, he directed his eyes at the center of the room. Only a pile of ashes lay there. The charred remains of his sister.

He couldn't help but let tears fall and mingle with the ashes.

Iroh approached his nephew. Zuko turned and buried his head on his uncle's shoulder. "She's dead, Uncle! She's dead! I never wanted her dead. I loved her, even if she didn't believe it. I love her but now she's gone!"

Iroh rubbed his nephew's back and said softly, "She isn't gone, Zuko. She burned herself like a phoenix. She will be back. In her next life, she will be a more glorious phoenix. I know that for sure. Hush now."

"Like a phoenix…?"

"Yes, like a phoenix." Iroh embraced his nephew. "She is a phoenix."


End file.
